LOOK, JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND. COME OR DON’T, BUT THE PORTAL ONLY STAYS OPEN FOR LIKE … FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME.
AND HEY, I’M SORRY IF THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA MISLED YOU INTO THINKING FAERIES WERE DIMINUTIVE, BLUSHING TEENAGE GIRLS WITH WINGS, BUT THEY GET ALL SORTS OF SHIT WRONG. W.M.D.S IN IRAQ? DON’T THINK SO. M.S.G. CAUSES “CHINESE RESTAURANT SYNDROME”? SORRY, SCIENCE SAYS NO.
AND NOW HERE WE ARE, JUST YOU AND A LIVING, BREATHING EXTRADIMENSIONAL CREATURE OFFERING YOU THE CHANCE TO LEAVE THIS MUNDANE PLANE OF EXISTENCE AND EMBRACE THE UNKNOWN, AND YOU’RE HESITATING BECAUSE I DON’T FIT YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF “BEAUTY” AS DEFINED BY GLOSSY MAGAZINE ADVERTS OR TRUE BLOOD OR WHATEVER.
when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors